The Attention Whore: Rajin pulak...

...nak blog hari ni. Baru boleh angat nafas lega sket (sikit jer) for these past two weeks. No out-of-town duties. Day in, day out at the office jer. I'm really taking my time doing all my paperwork. Berlambak giler sebab selalu sangat takde kat office. Tapi malas dan tak larat nak buat sebab dah pening tak tau nak buat yang mana satu dulu. Semuanya on the top-priority list. Baik lepaskan geram nak blog. Eheh...

I've just realised something...

I don't miss Body Jam. Or dancing. Seriously. Can this really be happening? Wait... I need to pinch myself. Yup, still painful.

It used to be my number one passion in life. But I don't why recently, I no longer feel the drive and excitement of dancing, jamming and doing classes anymore. Is it because of old age? Nahh... I'm not THAT old. Honest.

I wonder what the reason could be?

I love dancing. It's always been my number one passion. Not dancing as in the clubbing type, HELLOOO... But dancing as in... dancing. You know, the proper stuff with the right techniques and all. Like in "So You Think You Can Dance" and "Dancing with the Stars" shows.

I'm such a stickler for details when it come to dancing. Sometimes, over absurd details which others might not find important, but which I do. Ask Juwita and Leo. They can tell you about it. I can be so irritating at times... Haih... But guess what? Cakap banyak, but usually, I don't end up being THAT excellent. An average pass is fine with me. I just seem to enjoy making things more complicated. Bleurgh...

Anyway... Dancing. Body Jam. What happened? I'm seriously SO not interested in doing classes anymore. I'm even contemplating on giving up my classes, BUT I'm just scared that I'll regret it. So, THAT idea is on hold at the moment.

I've not been teaching the past two months. Mainly because of work-related reasons, secondly because of the fasting month. But not so long ago, it didn't matter to me if it was fasting month or not. I would be up and about doing classes like there was no tomorrow. What happened?

Is it because of work? It is just me? Age? Maybe age is a factor. I get tired easily. I'll be less energetic doing classes. I get tired more easily doing classes. I'll always feel reluctant to do classes. I'll always be... not in the mood. Where has all my passion, energy and craziness gone to?

Problems in my life? Memanglah ada, tapi takdelah sampai boleh hilang minat menari. Love life? Practically non-existent, so, there is no excuse about a BF getting in the way. Work? Maybe... But again, takdelah sampai boleh hilang minat menari.

I know why! I want to have children! Yes, that's it! I think... But how can I have one without a husband? I can't have a child out of wedlock! That would be the death of my parents! And no, I haven't even contemplated it. Sheesshhh... But then again, I don't really like children that much. Especially naughty and indisciplined ones. So, maybe it's not because of that.

Ah, well... It's no use pondering about it. Maybe once I start teaching again, everything will be back to normal. I hope.

But still... It's weird, you know. I never ever thought I could seriously consider to stop dancing or to stop learning how to dance. It is even a condition I would stipulate to my future-husband-to-be (don't know when he'll ever turn up, if ever!). He will have no say when it comes to my dancing. And also my career. Any decisions related to dancing or career would be a choice and decision that I willingly choose and not because he imposes it on me. If he does, then he wouldn't be my husband in the first place. Guess that's one reason why I've yet to marry. =P

So, if there was someone in my life right now and wanted me to quit dancing, this would be the right time to ask me to. But then, it's SO not going to happen, because I'm quite unattached at the moment. Maybe my parents then. But I hope they won't. Because I'm not entirely that certain I want to give up dancing completely.

Haih... Me and my fickle-mindedness.

Maybe I need to take up a new passion. Crochet, anyone? =P