... about a month ago, and I just found the time to respond to the tag. I don't blog much these days. But I'm trying to blog more for the second half of the year. Hopefully this feeling will persist.
Anyway, please check out this blog to read the outcome of the tag.
Enjoy!
... tak blog!!!!!!!!!!!! =( TAK MODELLLSSSSZZZZZ SANGAAAAAAAATTTTT!!! =P FINEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
God, I can't believe it's already over three months since I last blogged! Ahhhh!!! Tak modelszsnye!!!
To sum the past few months up:
1. Super busy with work;
2. Travelling all over the country because of work;
3. Busy with BJ launches and other "gymming" activities; and
4. Modelz punye social life with mates I simply love (You know who you are para modelsz-modelsz kaum Zulu!!! Ahaks, sob sob sob...)
To sum up the next few months:
1. Super duper busy with work;
2. Travelling all over the country because of work;
3. Busy with "gymming" activities; and
4. Modelz punye social life with mates I simply love (You know who you
are para modelsz-modelsz kaum Zulu!!! Ahaks, sob sob sob...)
AHHHHHH!!! BOSAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE... List yang membosankan!!! Tapi yang penting, I'm enjoying myself and am always surrounded by people who bring lotsa of laughter, friendship and meaning to my life of perempuan-belum-expired-tapi-dah-nak-hampir-nak-expired. Ahaks, sob sob sob... Kawan-kawanku yang modelsz sekalian, uolz BEST SANGAAAAAAAAATTTTT!!! (Bukan dengan nada Abang Bard ye... Tapi dengan nada wanita-wanita daripada puak Zulu...) Without you, my life would be meaningless. Wahhhhhh!!! Kenyataan bermotif tuhhhh!!! Ahaks, sob sob sob...
Okay... Can't blog too long. Will try to update this blog whenever I can. In the meantime, teruskan hidup anda yang modelsz ye... Bubbyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeee!!!
... is not that big. I remembered all that fuss when I turned the big 30, but to tell you the truth, I've never felt much different. Yes, I feel that I've grown older. I have aged, of course. Most substantially in knowledge and experience. And most of all, in self-esteem and confidence. But other that that, life has always been pretty much the same for me. Maybe it's because I still retain my youthful looks. Hahahahaha!!! =P And also youthful outlook on life. ;-)
Youthful looks and outlook aside, I've noticed that the things that used to matter so much to me, pale so much in comparison to the things that matter most to me now. My priorities are different. My outlook on many things have changed. I've settled down in many ways. And most of all, I'm lifted of all burdens that come with being in the 20s. I'm no longer stressed about finding myself or who I am, or wondering for what purpose I'm brought into this world. I already know the answers. At least some of them, if not all. I guess time does that to you.
I'm still the chirpy, naughty, temperamental old Azyei. I haven't changed all that much. If I have, it's probably for the worse when it comes to being neurotic. ;-) Nah... I'm not such a neurotic bitch, but I'm almost there. =P But I'm pretty much accepting of many things now. I think. I hope. ;-)
But one thing that never ceased to make me wonder; and it is kinda sad to know that we live in a community where they see you as growing older but still being single as WRONG. To say that I'm not bothered about being single would not be fair. I'm bothered. But not for myself. So far, I'm quite happy with being single. There are no strings attached in any way to anyone. But I do feel a bit bothered for my parents.
I think my parents are two of the greatest people in the whole world. (I mean, who wouldn't?) They have been supportive to my siblings and I in every way possible. But I do know that they worry about us. Especially us girls. I guess they worry about our future. It's true that we now live in a modern generation, but no matter how modern we are, our culture, society and religion still places some restrictions on girls and women where we would still always need a wali in the family. Yes, we have a brother, but then you'll never know what type of wife or girlfriend he'll end up with. And she would need a lot of super human powers to bears with the three Shaarani daughters. =P
Sometimes I feel sad and sorry for my dad. He is the main man in the lives of all his three daughters. Lelaki-lelaki lain semuanya tak boleh harap atau dah hilang entah ke mana. He still always has to run around for his three daughters on errands where we need a man to handle things for us. He's aging. He shouldn't be running around doing stuff for us. WE should be running around doing stuff for him. My brother? At the moment, he's yet to be in position where we can lean on him for support. So, for the time being, it's still our dad. And our mom.
I guess many people look at my family and wonder why the Shaarani daughters are still single. Sometimes it bothers me because of how it will affect my parents. My parents are so super cool about this, but deep down inside you'll never know. They must feel a tinge of worry for us. I know they probably long for grandchildren, but they have never ever voiced it out to us. Not even once. Upfront, they have been the most supportive parents ever. No pressure. No stress. Always prayers. And lots of love.
Haiyaaa... Guess I've always been a bit emotional and nostalgic lately when it comes to my parents and family. What more with Eidil Adha just around the corner and the word Qorban comes into the picture.
At times like this you do realise and understand the meaning of sacrifice. My parents have sacrificed so much for us. I'm 32 now (macamlah tua sangat ye...), but I always wonder when I can ever truly pay them back in return. I don't think I ever can. But I will always do my best to do so. I also hope I will be given the time to do so.
On that note, Selamat Hari Raya Eidil Adha to all my Muslim friends. May we truly understand and appreciate the meaning of Qorban and the sacrifices we have and will make. And may all that we do bring us into the love of Allah.
Happy holidays everyone.
I know I'm not an easy person to get along with. I can be brash, outspoken and rude at times, if not most. Sometimes unintentionally, but usually intentionally. So, to my family, friends, colleagues and everyone else out there whom I have done wrong or said hurtful things to, from the bottom of my heart, my sincerest apologies. I have no excuses for most of them, but I will try to improve as time goes by. And if I don't, or if I become worse, I'm sure there are many out there who are more than willing to tell me off. ;-)
So, to my family, relatives and all my Muslim friends out there, here's wishing you Selamat Hari Raya Eidilfitri, maaf zahir batin. May it be a joyous celebration for you and your family. Drive safely, take care, and have fun!
Happy Eid Mubarak!!!
Seriously. I don't understand people who dwell too much on their own sufferings and feel that their lives are the only ones with so many challenges and full of misery.
Is it just me? Maybe I'm too cynical? Or maybe I just don't understand the concept of empathy. Yes, maybe that's it. I've always been lousy at being sympathetic and giving empathy to people who are down in the dumps. But then, bitch has always been my middle name, and I just don't get people who are so full of self-pity, thinking that they try so hard to make others happy but that God never gives THEM happiness.
Helllooo... Wake up, and look around you. There are bigger things in life than YOU. There are bigger problems out there than what YOU are going through. Jangan nak mengarut kata Tuhan tak sayang kat kau. If you don't have or can't find happiness, it's because kau tak pernah bersyukur dengan apa yang kau ada. Come on, you want to talk to me about sacrifices? What sacrifices did you make? Are your sacrifices, sacrifices at all? What about those around you who have in their entire life, made sacrifices for you? Kau nampak pengorbanan yang kau buat je, tak pernah nak nampak pengorbanan yang orang lain buat. Don't talk about yourself or your friends. Talk about your family and those dearest to you. Usia muda, tapi dah ngarut yang bukan-bukan.
Sudahlah, malas nak berleter dengan orang yang tak reti nak bersyukur dengan apa yang dia ada. Buat sakit hati je.
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, Kau yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang, kuatkanlah iman, hati dan semangat yang tersayang dalam hidupku agar sentiasa ingat kepadaMu dan sentiasa mohon petunjuk ke jalan yang diredhaikuMu.
PS:
No matter what I say, I will always love you unconditionally. And I'm sorry if my words hurt in any way. But please, grow up. Life is not just about you. Ingat-ingatlah mereka yang patut diingat, dan bukannya pada mereka yang tak layak untuk diingat.
Life is full of ups and downs. Make the ups count more than the downs. Life is short. Especially for those who have been here before you. Cherish the moments you had, have and will have with them. Jangan sampai menyesal when they are gone and that you wish you could have done more for them. Don't wait for tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. You don't know how much time you have left with them. Wake up and let them know you love them before it's too late.
Stop being such a selfish brat.
...nak blog hari ni. Baru boleh angat nafas lega sket (sikit jer) for these past two weeks. No out-of-town duties. Day in, day out at the office jer. I'm really taking my time doing all my paperwork. Berlambak giler sebab selalu sangat takde kat office. Tapi malas dan tak larat nak buat sebab dah pening tak tau nak buat yang mana satu dulu. Semuanya on the top-priority list. Baik lepaskan geram nak blog. Eheh...
I've just realised something...
I don't miss Body Jam. Or dancing. Seriously. Can this really be happening? Wait... I need to pinch myself. Yup, still painful.
It used to be my number one passion in life. But I don't why recently, I no longer feel the drive and excitement of dancing, jamming and doing classes anymore. Is it because of old age? Nahh... I'm not THAT old. Honest.
I wonder what the reason could be?
I love dancing. It's always been my number one passion. Not dancing as in the clubbing type, HELLOOO... But dancing as in... dancing. You know, the proper stuff with the right techniques and all. Like in "So You Think You Can Dance" and "Dancing with the Stars" shows.
I'm such a stickler for details when it come to dancing. Sometimes, over absurd details which others might not find important, but which I do. Ask Juwita and Leo. They can tell you about it. I can be so irritating at times... Haih... But guess what? Cakap banyak, but usually, I don't end up being THAT excellent. An average pass is fine with me. I just seem to enjoy making things more complicated. Bleurgh...
Anyway... Dancing. Body Jam. What happened? I'm seriously SO not interested in doing classes anymore. I'm even contemplating on giving up my classes, BUT I'm just scared that I'll regret it. So, THAT idea is on hold at the moment.
I've not been teaching the past two months. Mainly because of work-related reasons, secondly because of the fasting month. But not so long ago, it didn't matter to me if it was fasting month or not. I would be up and about doing classes like there was no tomorrow. What happened?
Is it because of work? It is just me? Age? Maybe age is a factor. I get tired easily. I'll be less energetic doing classes. I get tired more easily doing classes. I'll always feel reluctant to do classes. I'll always be... not in the mood. Where has all my passion, energy and craziness gone to?
Problems in my life? Memanglah ada, tapi takdelah sampai boleh hilang minat menari. Love life? Practically non-existent, so, there is no excuse about a BF getting in the way. Work? Maybe... But again, takdelah sampai boleh hilang minat menari.
I know why! I want to have children! Yes, that's it! I think... But how can I have one without a husband? I can't have a child out of wedlock! That would be the death of my parents! And no, I haven't even contemplated it. Sheesshhh... But then again, I don't really like children that much. Especially naughty and indisciplined ones. So, maybe it's not because of that.
Ah, well... It's no use pondering about it. Maybe once I start teaching again, everything will be back to normal. I hope.
But still... It's weird, you know. I never ever thought I could seriously consider to stop dancing or to stop learning how to dance. It is even a condition I would stipulate to my future-husband-to-be (don't know when he'll ever turn up, if ever!). He will have no say when it comes to my dancing. And also my career. Any decisions related to dancing or career would be a choice and decision that I willingly choose and not because he imposes it on me. If he does, then he wouldn't be my husband in the first place. Guess that's one reason why I've yet to marry. =P
So, if there was someone in my life right now and wanted me to quit dancing, this would be the right time to ask me to. But then, it's SO not going to happen, because I'm quite unattached at the moment. Maybe my parents then. But I hope they won't. Because I'm not entirely that certain I want to give up dancing completely.
Haih... Me and my fickle-mindedness.
Maybe I need to take up a new passion. Crochet, anyone? =P
I will be meeting up with my two best buddies for berbuka puasa this evening. Looking forward to that as I haven't met them in quite a while, especially Leo. Met Juwita last weekend, but was not able to catch up on updates as we were there for another friend who wanted to meet up to talk. So, we couldn't talk about us, as it would have been rude.
So, this will be my first berbuka puasa without my parents. I've been a bit of a homebody lately; always staying at home and berbuka puasa with my parents on weekdays and with the rest of the family who are around during the weekends. People can say it's because I'm too lazy to cook. Well, there is some truth in that. But mostly it's because I just want to spend more time with my parents, and also because I dread the evening traffic during this fasting month. And yes, my mom's cooking will always be excellent to me but it's not because of that reason only. I'm not a fussy eater. I can make do with whatever there is to eat; as long as it's halal and worthy of eating. It's because I just want to be around family.
So, every weekday evenings I'm in Putrajaya with my beloved mom and dad. And weekends will be in Batu Caves with the rest of the Shaarani clan. It's fun. I've not been spending a lot of time with my parents previously, and I've never realised that I miss their company and miss being their big, baby girl. ;-) And because of some events which occurred over these past few years, I want to make the most of the time that God is giving me with them.
Ramadhan has been great. I think it's one of the best so far. At least for me, that is. I'm spending more time with family. The previous years it was because it wasn't possible, geographically. I was in Batu Caves, and my parents were in Putrajaya. Then when I transferred to Putrajaya, I was always so preoccupied with gym, work and other stuff, I was never able to have any time for family. And yes, I didn't really try that hard pun.
But now, I feel that I need to balance out my life a bit. Work will always be hectic. There's not much I can do about that at the moment. So, the best is to cut down on my time at the gym and hanging out with friends till late at night. I miss that a lot. I miss my friends, especially Juwita and Leo, Anthony and Jenny, and all the other peeps. But I would miss the time spent with my family even more. So, after weighing the scales, family always comes first.
I've been blessed with the most perfect imperfect family ever. Well, no family can ever be perfect, but as long as they are perfect to you, then, your family is perfect lah. ;-) Okay, okay, so I'm rambling. But this fasting month has opened my eyes and my heart that family is the most valuable thing you can ever own in this life.
Cherish the time you have with them, because you will never know if you'll be able to spend the next Ramadhan and Hari Raya celebrations together again. Insyaallah, we always pray for the well-being of our family, but there will always be this question of, what if...?
So, make the best of everything you have. Never let it happen that one day down the road, you'll have regrets about things you should have done and things you should have said, but that you never did.
I don't ever want to be that person.
I love my parents, and I love my two sisters and my brother. Only God knows how much. Sometimes I might not be able to express it that well, or that I don't seem to be able to express it at all; especially through words. But I hope, and always pray, that I will always be a good daughter to my parents and a good sister to my sisters and brother. And that they know I will always try my best.
May Allah bless our family always, insyaallah.
Selamat berpuasa and berbuka puasa to all my Muslim friends.
I talk too much. I've always realised that. I try to allow others to talk and contribute to the conversation as much as I can, but I always end up talking a LOT.
Is it true that people who talk a lot are attention seekers? You talk to be heard, right? You talk to an audience and you WANT them to hear what you are saying and you WANT their attention. So, maybe that fact is somewhat true. I'm quite an attention seeker when I want to be. =P
I get irritated by people who talk too much. Especially the types who don't even allow you to put in a comment or express what you want to say, especially when you really want to say something.
But then, I talk too much also. So, does that mean I irritate others? No need to answer that question for me. I already know the answer to it.
Blerrgghhh...
So, is there a cure for less talking asides from stapling your lips?
Friends.
You just can't live with them, yet you also can't live without them. I know I can't. My friends have always been around me to keep me sane. Without them and also my family (of course!), I wouldn't know where I would be right now.
It's great to have friends who are solid rocks to fall back on when you need a strong hand. It's fun to share your laughter and tears with these people who mean a lot to you.
But we can't always be perfect friends. There will always be good times but then there will also be some bad times. But the good times usually overshadow the bad. =)
As friends, sometimes, it isn't our intention to act or be a certain way; do things as we please; say things we don't mean; and utter words and promises; especially if they end hurting someone else's feelings.
You may say that it's not fair for others to judge you that way or label you a certain way. However, no matter how you deny it, even though you say you are not that kind or person and you never meant to hurt in any way, you end up just doing that.
Because now, it's not about you.
It's also about the other person.
If that person feels hurt by what you have done, you have inflicted that hurt, even though you say you never meant it. You can explain and justify yourself, but the fact is, someone's feelings was hurt.
So what are you going to do about it? Apologise? Just let it be? Promise not to let it happen again? Well, that also depends on the type of person you are.
If you feel that your actions and words have hurt others, even though you did not mean them that way, you do something to make the other person feel less hurt. You don't keep silent and be upset that you were told off for hurting someone's feelings. What kind of friend is that?
Poeple don't want their feelings to be hurt? You think they intentionally want to have you hurt their feelings? Fikirlah...
God gave us feelings and they come when He wants to give them to us. But it's up to us on how we want to react to those feelings. Think about it...
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